"One cannot heal in the same place where one got sick" (anonymous)
I am in a place of wellness mentally, emotionally, and even physically after the storms of a few years ago behind me. We have moved back to our cozy little mountain town for some time now and we are absolutely grateful that we found our little spot we love to call home, as we are able to look out our windows to the picturesque fourteeners of the Rocky Mountains. The view is breathtaking and inspirational, helping me to keep in a mentally happy place.
Enough time has passed for the traumatic effects to wear off from the toxic relationship and the disturbing revelation of who I came to find out who she is. It took me quite some time to process all that had mindbogglingly happened, but I feel that I have now made a tremendous breakthrough in rebuilding my sense of self from that once broken state I was in.
I have been processing. I had been coping. And I have now recovered.
I had been writing in a journal that is near and dear to my heart, as it ultimately had been my outlet to cope, along with talking to my husband as my support throughout all of this. I held onto this particular journal for years, it's pages empty and waiting to be filled with something meaningful and as hopeful as its inspirational and cheery floral watercolor cover. Within a matter of months, I finally found something worth writing about, but ironically it was not from a bright and cheery source that I had envisioned to match this journal's cover.
It came pouring out of my hand just shortly after the disastrous hurricane of the toxic relationship I left, filling it's many pages down to the last page. It began to fill up with my deepest thoughts during a dark state of mind that stemmed from the devastating relationship of manipulation at the same time I was suffering through postpartum depression. But it soon evolved from releasing my fears and irrational thoughts onto the pages, to this newfound, hopeful outlook on taking back my life to move ahead and past such a dark period of my life.
Each page written brought me back to a sense of self that had gained strength in facing my fears head-on through the words looking back at me. I wrote my hand numb during sleepless nights until it saved me from myself by opening the way to inner peace that resulted from releasing my thoughts that otherwise would have been bound in its mental cage.
Writing freed my mind.
"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." - J.K. Rowling
As I relay my account through my blog posts, I hope that it will serve as a comfort that you are not alone if you find yourself in a manipulative relationship or dealing with something almost completely out of your control, as postpartum depression was for me.
It can serve as hope that you can heal and move on to live a satisfying, fulfilled life - turning this and any roadblock into a stepping stone to get over it to a better you and better life, making it become a part of your experience that you will grow from. Most solid foundations are rock-based, and if you have hit rock bottom as I did, use those rocks to build yourself upwards towards your best life that is yet to come from the strength you are cultivating with each rock stacked.
My account can serve to help you be aware of such devious ones that exist and come to affect you, but I also hope you will not have to personally suffer through the damaging effects in order to be aware.
It can serve as a reminder that if you allow any negative experience to keep you stuck in a bitter state, you only hinder your ability to grow and live your life to the full - thus allowing that experience to loom over you and rob you of the hope to be happy and move forward. Don't let such a person or experience define who you are or who you will become. Their damaging effects can serve the purpose of opening the way for you to rebuild what they sought to break of you, and you now get to choose how you will grow from it.
"I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become." - Carl Jung
Take whatever time you need to heal and find peace. Use whatever healthy method you need to process and cope. Remove yourself from whatever stunts your growth and healing. Become whatever you choose to be as you rebuild yourself from the ground up.
With LOVE. Always,
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