We often think of the easy kind of love that makes things better for us. The kind that supports us, encourages us, and says all the sweet nothings in our ears to make us feel better in who we are and what we are doing.
Such a person may also console you as you sob over the messes you made, and assure you it's the other person who is the problem and needs to do the fixing. We are so used to the idea that love is what makes us feel good, makes us happy, makes us feel on cloud 9, makes us better in the feeling of it. Even if they are lying to us as we lie to ourselves.
This kind of love is nice. We all could use some form of this supportive love in our rotation for it can be that listening ear that does make it better when we need it most to just cry and vent it out.
But there is the kind of love that often forces us to see ourselves and calls us out on our shit so we are presented with the opportunity to choose to self-improve. This is the tough love that we need if we are committed to being our best self. They don't love us to make us merely feel better, but love us to make us self-aware to be better.
This kind of love will come from a good place, be in your best interests, and give you the honesty that is undeniable. You know they are on your side, wholly accept you as you are, and love you unconditionally. They are usually a safe place where you likely fight against them as the bad guy to call you out to confront the truth of yourself.
The only way we can improve ourselves for the better, is when we are aware of our shitty habits or ways of operating that has negative, selfish, or insensitive effects on others. Those who call you out on these are doing you the favor to bring it to your awareness and hold you accountable so that you are presented with the chance to examine yourself, decide if it really is the truth for you, and if it is something you want to change so as to produce truly positive, loving, and considerate effects on others. To choose to be your better self.
It's uncomfortable to face what we might see as the ugly parts inside of us, the parts we bury deep down in our dark abyss, the parts we are scared will make us unlovable if our loved ones came to find out, the parts we fear of ourselves. But the truth is, usually our loved ones already do see these parts and know it, and are loving you enough to help you to see it also. Still sticking by your side in this awareness.
It can be hard to face our darkness within. But when we do so, we will then come to find there is so much more light within us. To find our light that will truly free our souls.
When we work on ourselves with the tools of self-awareness given by those who love us to toughen us up to face ourself, we gain permanent self-improvement through our growth.
It's not the love that has temporary effects of doing the work in drying our tears for us until the next time we need a shoulder to cry on, with another dose of sweet nothings whispered in our ears. This tough love forces you to do the work yourself so that the results are solid for you.
May you come to value the one who gives you tough love so you may improve in loving yourself better. Love that makes you better towards your best self.
With LOVE. Always,
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