Here, I will hold you safely in all your depletion.
I know how broken you feel in missing pieces from what was stolen in your identity.
Self-love will be your tool to healing from such trauma and scarring over so you don't swing your door wide open again to a parasitic relationship.
1 | Get the hell out and awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay from such a relationship. Take your leave, you are the only one who can truly save yourself to stand up and walk away for good.
2 | Validate this trauma. Coddle yourself a bit, for as long as it takes.
To feel safe, feel calm, feel relief, feel strong, feel empowered to take your life back.
3 | Keep the door closed, bolted. They will pester you and try to come back and invade your space, they might try and get to you through others you are both still connected to. Keep your feet pointed forward to your freedom, even if it means you'll be alone for some time.
4 | Find a healthy outlet to air out your trauma. Journaling was a great way for me to validate my experience in feeling heard, but without any response back of anyone else clouding out my story, my words, my truth. And you can tuck it away all to yourself if it is something you are not ready to speak openly about, or might just never want to share such a soul-shaking nightmare.
5 | Understand that healing is a process. Just like with any breakup, you've got your heart to mend all the cracks and bleeding. This kind of breakup will also entail mental and emotional mending to ensure that you recognize, understand, and refuse to adopt any dysfunctional, toxic behaviors of the narcissist as you move forward.
6 | Don't rush the process. Process this experience through love. Seeing this person in an educated light of operating from a personality disorder, which can give you compassion to understand who they are cannot be helped - yet don't you go excusing their abusive ways. Process that you once loved this person to have gotten so involved with them in the first place, let that love guide you to not hate them. After healing, you will find that you are grateful to them for teaching you a lot about yourself in allowing them to take from you as they did.
7 | Shift your focus on yourself. How do you operate in a way to have allowed such a relationship to take hold of you, control you, keep you bound? How can you be balanced in giving of yourself without becoming taken from to depletion? You have rebuilding work ahead of you to find your self-worth, self-respect, self-confidence, self-validation from within you, not placing it in the hands of an external source, an external person.
Learn how to take your power back.
8 | Apply this new awareness. You will be changed from this kind of relationship that once had you powerless, to now use the strength to empower yourself. To operate in relationships more solid in who you are, not allowing others to mistreat you and walk all over you. Love yourself to know how you should be treated well and your boundaries respected.
9 | Grant forgiveness within your heart. Forgive such a person for this monstrous experience and let both your souls free through forgiveness. No need to relive the traumas over and over again by holding onto it in a memory of bitterness, resentments, and anxieties.
10 | Be FREE my dear. Free to be who you are. Free from the abuse. You found the strength to free yourself from their hold, now free your soul. Let go - so the healing can begin.
Get to really know yourself. Learn what healthy boundaries are - and set them.
This experience may have left you broken down in spirit, but you are alive to rebuild back up anew as who you truly are. May you love this stronger version of yourself as you are building her up with the strength you didn't know you had to save yourself from someone who sought to keep you down, keep you broken.
May you find yourself in a place of true healing, soaking up the light in understanding the valuable Narcissist Lessons you have been gifted with for your own soul growth - adding to your treasure trove of knowledge and experience of who you are rebuilding as.
With LOVE. Always,
Thuy
DISCLAIMER:
Please keep in mind that this is my own personal experience of healing from the abuse I suffered while I was engaged in a relationship with a narcissist, along with my perception of behavioral patterns adopted by victims of narcissistic abuse. These are the methods that helped me during my period of healing. Although I chose to go through my own methods of self-healing best suited for me, you don't have to go it alone by taking your own initiative to seek professional help and support. By helping yourself, you can then help others. When you do what best works for you and your particular situation, I encourage you to empower yourself to go whatever route will lead you to true inner healing, for the end goal is to heal. I recommend that you seek professional guidance and advice if you feel you may be in an abusive relationship and are in need of help and support. My article is not intended to diagnose, treat, or confirm if your situation or person is a true form of a narcissist.
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