To The Narcissist,
You were a hard, ugly lesson that forced me to rise by having broken me down to my lowest of lows. I am thankful to you because you showed me my imbalances and all the ways I was not loving myself. I am thankful because of having saved myself and survived, I rose stronger to now thrive.
You brought out my fears, my anxieties, my paranoia, my sadness, my darkness - all while ravaging my soul as you pleased. Took what you want, when you wanted it, your power over me as I gave myself to you freely without reserve to satisfy your insatiable appetite to feed off of who I am as you clothed my identity as your own.
And yet, because I actually loved you, I am able to still see you in your humanly form of a person that my genuine love has made the way for forgiveness. This forgiveness is grace granted to you and freedom for myself from the bitterness of hating you.
After I freed myself from your hold, I hated who you were and the pain you inflict. I did not understand how such dark could exist and go undetected as you walk about in society just like anyone of us. I felt that your existence was to be extinguished to protect others, to protect good, to protect light. Yet, I realized without people like you, those of us who are survivors would not have come to see our warrior spirit champion us through your war, to appreciate good by suffering bad, to bask in the light after having been through such darkness.
You exploited me which in turn helped me to then find my strength - to confront my weaknesses and limitations in naked vulnerability - to forge my qualities through your hellfire. It taught me to know myself that much deeper inside by the way you merely wore it on the surface. You taught me to value and understand my self-worth by having given myself to you at the cost of my own depletion, it still not being enough for you, and even then - rejected.
All so you can always have the upper hand to hold yourself above as the reigning champion.
As someone who has a family to care for, I send you my thoughts of love from afar that you are well for their sake. I don't doubt that you will fill your needs even if at the cost of someone else's reserves, or to continue to use all whom you surround yourself with as a tool to do your bidding or as chess pieces to your games.
But I hope that you will be filled so that you might learn that you do not need to keep thieving to fill your needs. I hope that your surface identity to portray goodness will penetrate deep into your heart and saturate your spirit to heal to become goodness, rather than merely acting to keep up appearances. You will keep hurting others until you heal your hurts within. No one can do this or choose this, but you.
With LOVE. Always,
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