It can be shattering when someone you are with no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. It can be taken as a personal blow, feeling bad about yourself like you are unwanted, you are not good enough, you are somehow nothing without them.
You are now going to be alone.
This one is a hard thought to see your life ahead alone, especially if you have been with your partner for many years - having grown together and individually within that relationship, and built memories that represent your life together with the hopes that it was going to be forever.
It can be especially difficult when the decision to end a relationship is one-sided, which usually is the case. The other partner may still hold on to keep the family together, for the sake of the children or others involved and affected, for their own fear of being alone or sense of identity without the other, for the lifestyle that was created through shared assets and material possessions, for keeping up mere appearances, or perhaps in the pure simplicity of being heartbreakingly still in love and now facing the painful blow of unrequited love.
But should it be clear that the relationship is over and the other has moved on, by holding on for these external factors it can result in hurting yourself and those involved more than is necessary. You will stay in a miserable, unhappy state by remaining attached - thus in the case of holding on to keep the family together to think you're doing right by the children - they will sense the the misery, the unhappiness, the difficulty of it and it thus cripples their ability to know how to cope with the change and move on as well. By clinging to what is over and cannot be changed, you may put your children - the very ones you think you are doing right by - in a position to shoulder the heavy burden of dealing with such a loss and change on their own without much needed comfort, support, and direction.
I think there is value in one holding onto a relationship. It can serve to instill a fight for what one still believes in, for where one's heart still is, and might have the foundation to save such a relationship from coming to its end. Holding on to a relationship that is bound by a marital commitment can be a noble effort to preserve the serious vows of caring for your spouse "til death do us part" and the family that has been created together.
I am a bit traditional in my belief that those relationships that do last a lifetime without much hiccups to part from one another - still interlocking hands with the warmth of their love, even while on their cold deathbed, exists - and is something to believe in, to hold onto such a beautiful notion and endeavor to sustain our relationships to such an end.
However, if you are faced on the other side of your loved one deciding the relationship or even you as their partner is no longer right for them, this is where qualities will need to be applied and developed to prevent further pain and suffering. Such qualities as honoring such a truth, respecting such a decision, and accepting to love your partner enough to let them go that will then allow the relationship to naturally end.
By honoring their truth, you free yourself of holding any bitterness or grudges against them. They honored you in telling you of their truth, even if it feels like you were painfully slapped with it. It allows the relationship to go in a state of truth, rather than create a swirl of lies to have to uncover what would only bring about more pain and issues, including the potential of infidelities that would break integrity and a sense of trust.
By respecting such a decision, you release yourself of any codependent behaviors that doesn't allow your loved one to have a right to make such a decision, to be free to go. To support such a decision with a willingness to cooperate, despite the disagreement.
By accepting with love to let your partner go, you do not war with your partner to let them go in peace, thus you give yourself peace in not warring with what you cannot change.
This makes way for a new beginning. New beginning for them to be free in the decision to go. New beginning for each to be on their own. New beginning for you - to sit with yourself and perhaps to discover, come to know, and listen to yourself for the first time. By letting a relationship with another that is no longer working, go - you are graced with the opportunity to welcome the relationship with yourself. To say hello to you - and sit with her for awhile as she holds your hand and embraces you with support as you begin the healing process.
Acceptance is what will allow a person to let go so they can let in healing. Healing that will allow them to see brighter days and the light at the end of the tunnel that there is more life ahead to live, and other relationships to come along. To perhaps gain a newfound perspective that the end of that relationship might have been a blessing in disguise after all.
May whatever relationship ends for you, be in a peaceful state of acceptance.
For the sooner you heal, the sooner you let the Universe know you are ready for the next best person that is yet to come. And that next best person just might be The One seeing you through such a difficult period to be sitting well and happy again - you.
Oh, and perhaps it could be that cutie that just asked to get to know this stronger-because-of-it person you are now.
With LOVE. Always,
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